Yesterday wasn’t the best experience in my life. A lot had happen so much in one day before. Sometimes I wonder where it comes from and where it started all of sudden. Sometimes things are unexplainable. Maybe that how things are meant to be in life or am I just mumbling to myself as usual? Sometimes I really wonder myself.

I went to Vivian and Budhi’s wedding yesterday. I was so jealous for them that they can get married to the person they would spend eternal with. I just look at myself at what I got. I’m just another no body that no one wants and care. I want to be love and care for like them in the wedding.

I see them take wedding photos; I never had the chance to do that. I never even tried on any wedding dress. Just another pregnant woman fantasy to try it on one day, but I’ll never get the chance to I guess or maybe one day. I just don’t know for now. I see the wedding photos so romantic and sweet I wish I was like that married to the person I love and then take it with him, but no that won’t happen in a million years of my life time. Some things you just wish for in life that you will never get. You can feel it with your heart but you can’t have it because God play a role in people’s life to earn and reach for something we deserve if it is only meant to be or not. That’s just life. I had when things are life that. What am I to judge something like that?

I see many children in East Broadway, which at least has a parent to take care of them and be with them to walk them through the road. But look at me what do I have that can compare to something like that? I want to make my own family and support the child I have right now inside my stomach. I want to watch it grow up. I want to change it diaper when it needs to be change. I want to help it take bath when it is small to at the age they can by themselves. I want to be there when it needs me, no matter what the situation is because I had been struggling hard to keep this baby that no one want me to keep, but I still keep it anyways. I had been taking care and I was so happy to see the baby in the seismogram and see it moving and everything. That make me want to keep it and from that moment I hadn’t be happier than ever. Who doesn’t want to see their kids grow up and guide it way through?